The Greatest Love Of All

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Hello there lovelies,

Since I'm talking about love this week, it would be terrible not to talk about what I believe is the most important kind of love - self love. I think that sometimes all of us, male or female, get so hung up on finding romantic love & on having lots of friends that we forget to work on loving ourselves. I also think that this is pretty damn sad, because every single one of you out there is fucking fabulous. You are all beautiful, and special, and totally fucking worthy of feeling fabulous every single day. And any time you spend hating yourself? It isn't fucking worth it.

I spent a long time hating, detesting, despising myself. I thought & said terrible things about myself, which in turn made me think & say terrible things about other people. I cried myself to sleep. I had no respect for myself, or my body. I dated horrible people because I truly thought that only a horrible person could ever love me. I ate lots of unhealthy food to try and stop myself from feeling so terrible about myself, and became the heaviest I have ever been. I self-harmed for about a year. I drank lots of alcohol to try & avoid the pain I was feeling, and I put myself in dangerous situations because I thought I deserved them. I developed incredibly harmful eating & exercise patterns, and became the skinniest that I had ever been.

But, I survived, and I came to a point where I said, "No. Enough, is enough." I saw a psychologist. I dug my heels in, and I refused to be cruel to myself any more. It's so easy to say that. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life - and it isn't finished. Loving myself is a work in progress, and I work on it every day. For a long time it didn't get any easier to do. Now, it's easier for me to be kind to myself than to be cruel. I still have bad days, but they are much, much less.

I know I've spoken a lot about this on my blog, and I guess you might wonder why. When I started this blog I was still in a pretty bad place, and I think talking about the problems I have faced was more about venting. These days I want to show people that it is possible to hate yourself that deeply, and recover. I want to be honest about what I have been through, because it has made me who I am now. I want to let all of you reading who may have trouble with loving yourself know that you are not alone. Most of all, I want people to know that getting help & learning to love yourself is totally fucking worth it. When you feel so, so bad it seems easier to continue living the way you are already. You figured that things are already bad, and any change you make might just make it worse, so why fucking bother. And that's why I write, over and over again, about how "worth it" this change is.

Life is so much easier without that negative voice following you around. You have fun getting dressed, instead of loathing the mirror. As you feel better about yourself, you start to treat yourself better. Suddenly, it seems like an amazing idea to take care of your body, and give it the things it needs instead of fighting with it. The things you want to accomplish seem easier, because you aren't being criticized from inside your own head. You get in touch with the things you need, and the things you want. When you love yourself, you get to know you, and you get to feel awesome about that person. And that, my dears, is totally fucking worth it.

Until next time, xo.

P.S. If you are interested in more of my musings about self-love & body image, then browse my body image tag.

P.P.S. You should totally take the Declaration of Self-Hate Independence at A Is For Ampersand.

Love My Body - On Weight & Fitness

Hello there lovelies,

You may or may not know that I am cheating on The Boyfriend with my treadmill. That confession aside, since The Boyfriend's parents gave us the treadmill two months ago I have lost four kilograms. But the way that I feel about it got me thinking about my relationship with my weight & health/fitness, and how it has changed in the last few years.

When I was 17 I weighed the most that I have in my life. When I was 20 I weighed the least that I have in my life. I am now sitting comfortably in the middle. I have been every clothing size between an 18 and an 8, but this is the only time that I have felt completely at home in my body. My weight loss first started when I had an operation on my jaw not long before I turned 18, and I was put on a liquid diet for two months. Eating is a tiring venture when you are recovering from surgery, so I ate a lot less in recovery than I did before my operation. Then, I started exercising in order to burn off all the extra energy I had from laying around the house all day. I was surprised by all the things that my body could do, and all the ways that my muscles worked that I didn't know about before that.

But it all went a little pear-shaped after that. I noticed that people complimented me more every time I lost more weight. People seemed to pay more positive attention to me. It seemed like I suddenly made new friends, suddenly got invited to parties, suddenly had guys wanting to ask me out. When I moved out of home to go to university I lost more weight. I also met the man who would turn out the be the love of my life, absolutely loved the subject I was studying, and aced every assignment/exam/project that came my way. I don't know how, but I came to attribute all these things to my weight, instead of my confidence levels. I became determined to lose more weight, because if thing started going well when I started getting skinnier, then I just had to keep on getting skinnier, right? When I was at my very skinniest, I felt like I was waging a war against my body. Every push-up, every squat, every lunge was me attacking my body and willing it to be just a little bit thinner. I really and truly believed that as long as I kept being a size 8 that nothing bad would ever happen to me.

Then, I hit the beginning of the major depressive episode that would eventually spur me to start this blog. I lost my motivation to study, to exercise - hell, to even get up in the mornings. I lost my part-time job, and The Boyfriend lost his full-time job. There were days when The Boyfriend had to drag the sobbing mess that was me out of bed, pretty much dress me, and drive me to my university classes so that I would actually end up going. I fell out of love with the subject I was studying. But again, rather than seeing these things as the result of depression, I believed they were happening to me because I had let myself gain weight. I believed that I deserved the way that I was feeling because I had let myself gain weight. Unlearning that association was one of the hardest things I have ever done - even harder because after going through that period of depression, I had to learn to take care of myself again.

I think the biggest thing that worked in my favour was that I wanted to get better. I wanted to be happy again, even when I couldn't muster the energy (or care factor) to simply shower. I think I'm doing well now - or at least, I'm on the right track. Repairing yourself after these things takes a long, long time. You have to relearn how to care about your health & your personal hygiene. You have to relearn how to tell if you like, or enjoy something. You have to learn that, even once you've learned these things, some days you just won't be able to remember. But in learning these things, I have also learnt a new appreciation for my body. My body can do amazing things. It can take all my terrible treatment, and it can recover. It can hold all the pain & suffering of depression, and it can help pull me through it. Even when I absolutely hated my body, it still did everything it could to keep me healthy and happy.

These days, I like to think of my body as my partner instead of my enemy - I'm trying to work with it, instead of against it. If my body feels restless, then I do some exercise. If that exercise doesn't make it feel good, then I find a different type. If a food makes me lethargic, or upsets my stomach then I don't eat it. If I find my body really craving something in particular, then I let myself have it. I go to bed as soon as I feel tired, and get up when I don't feel like sleeping anymore. I fill my fridge with all different types of fruit, and then pick whatever my body feels like in the morning to take for lunch. Now that we're working in tandem, I don't see how I could have ever hated my body, or blamed it for the things that were going wrong in my life. Shit happens, and it happens all the time. Sometimes it happens for a reason, sometimes it's just random chance. But, however shits' going down, and despite the struggle to get here, loving my body for exactly the way it is is much easier than hating it for the way it isn't. And, as far as I'm concerned, so long as my body feels fit & healthy, the weight part doesn't really matter anyway.

Until next time, xo.

Letters To Myself

Image by Jamie Bates

Hello there lovelies,

The amazing Meg Needles, of Sewing Pixie wrote some beautiful letters to herself recently, and they made me think of some things I've been meaning to say to myself.


Dear Body,

I hope you've been feeling better lately, because I've really been making my best effort to take care of you. When you're coming back from such a bad head space, it's easy to forget to take care of your body, and I'm sorry for not taking care of you properly. You certainly deserve it, because you do so much for me. We've actually been getting along really well lately, and I'm really loving it. How's this: I'll keep filling you up with good food, taking you for runs, stretching out your muscles and drinking plenty of water. In return, you can keep my energy levels up, keep my bad ankle from aching, and keep healing any injuries I get super quickly.

I'm really proud of you body! You've been running four kilometres almost every night, and dancing, and doing yoga, and lifting weights (as well as heavy boxes at work), and dealing with me accidentally stabbing you with the kitchen knife when I'm too lazy to find some scissors to open a packet, AND doing it without much complaining at all. I mean, you did complain a little about the stab wound, but I can't really blame you for that. Thanks for healing it up so quickly!

But also body, I'm sorry that I was ever ashamed of you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you body. You might not ever have rock-hard abs, or buns of steel no matter how hard I work out. You might always be a little awkward and clumsy. But you're mine, and I'm yours and I'm pretty damn fond of you. I promise that from now on I will defend you to anyone who tries to say you're not beautiful, or not worthy. I will take you out, and show you off. Because you know what body? Haters gonna' hate. I, for one, refuse to be a hater any more. You're the only body I'm ever going to have, and I love that you carry me through life to the best of your ability. As part of that deal we made earlier, I'm going to try not to criticise you or put you down. We don't need that kind of negativity in our lives for any longer than it already has been. You rock body, and I'm not letting you believe you don't for one second longer.

From now on, I've got your back beautiful.

Love always,
Stacey


What about you lovelies? Is there anything you'd like to say to yourself? Why not write a letter?

Until next time, xo.

Love My Body - Beating Body Image Issues

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Hello there lovelies,

The amazing ladies of The Demoiselles asked an interesting question in this post - what body image issue has been plaguing you lately? The question kind of threw me, because to be honest, I can't think of anything that has been bothering me. Once upon a time I probably could have competed in the Body Image Olympics for the gold medal in Things That Are Wrong With my Body. Even when I was 15kgs lighter than I am now, I would have said I had a huge ass, and huge thighs, and too much belly fat. I would have said my nose was huge, and my face was too pimply, and my shoulders too broad. But I can't say any of these things worries me much at all any more. I feel awesome exactly the way that I am. And speaking of which, here are my best tips for feeling awesome about yourself:

Tell that annoying voice in the back of your head to piss off. You know the voice. The one that tells you that you suck, casually reminds you that you will never look like Kate Moss in skinny jeans, and derides all your greatest achievements as "no big deal". Every time I get that voice now, I tell it firmly that I don't believe it (sometimes silently in my head, and sometimes out loud in the mirror). It's really hard at first. Or at least it was for me. That voice had gotten so damn loud, because I'd been agreeing with it for so long. But the longer I disagreed, the easier it has become. Shutting that bitch up is hard work, but well worth it.

Ditch the women's glossies that tell you you're perfect, yet try to sell you weight loss products at the same time. I've been "Cosmo clean" for nearly six months now. I used to buy Cosmopolitan, Cleo, and other magazines like Glamour religiously - like, first day on the stands in my hands. The thing was, all those magazines did was piss me off, and make me feel bad about myself. I hated the "body love" specials that included articles like "How to look good while you exercise" and information about cosmetic surgery. I didn't even read half the articles because the titles sounded so stupid. I know this seems way too simple (and silly even) to make much of a difference in your own body image, but it has worked wonders for me. I think this can apply to any media, or even passive-aggressive friends - if they make you feel crappy about yourself, then ditch them.

Do some "sexy exercise". Here is a well-kept secret of mine: my favourite work-out DVD is The Pussycat Dolls Workout (although I am also partial to Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease DVD's and Jillian Michaels Hip-hop DVD). Wanna take a guess why I love them? They make me feel freaking amazing, and incredibly sexy. The best part about finding exercise that makes me feel sexy is that I keep on doing it, even when I'm not losing weight. And the even better part was realising that I don't have to change a single thing to be sexy. Realistically, your "sexy exercise" doesn't have to be the same as mine. It doesn't even have to be anything remotely sex-related, as long as it makes you feel awesome about your body.

Don't talk trash about yourself, and don't talk trash about anyone else. Stopping insulting my own body was a HUGE step in combating my body issues - but now, I try not to insult anyone else either. If I wouldn't say something about myself, or wouldn't like someone to say it about me, then I try not to say it about anyone else either. We're all different, and there are amazing things about all of us. On the same note, letting that negative voice in your head talk trash about other people makes it easier for it to talk trash about you. Talking positive about other people makes it easier to talk positive about yourself. Try not to get drawn into body-snarking conversations with other people as well - all this stuff does is make you feel worse about yourself.

But what about you guys? Are any body image issues plaguing you at the moment? What do you do to feel better about yourself, and your body?

Until next time, xo.

Girl, You're Amazing Just The Way You Are

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Hello there lovelies,

I see so much negativity everyday. So much of it comes from women, and is directed towards themselves, specifically their bodies. Not a day goes by where I don't hear someone say "If only I wasn't so fat", "If only I had bigger boobs", "If only I was taller/shorter/curvier/skinnier/prettier". I can't help but think about all the energy that is wasted everyday on hating ourselves. More and more I am discovering that loving myself is a decision that I make. On any given day, I can either be upset that I'm not Kate Moss, or I can be ecstatic that I am Stacey instead. I can work on disliking my curves, or I can work on embracing them. I can hate my scars, or I can love them.

I'm getting pretty good at loving myself on most days now, and I know you can do it too. You are all beautiful just the way you are. I hope that you all know you are amazing, because I know you are.

"When I see your face
There’s not a thing that I would change
Cause you’re amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you’re amazing
Just the way you are."

Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are.

Until next time, xo.

Hey Mainstream Media, I Am:

Hello lovelies,

Now, imagine that some incredibly smart young girl decided to create a pool of images on flickr where people took pictures of themselves holding signs that say exactly what they think of mainstream media. Wouldn't that be great? If you answered yes, then you should check out the flickr pool "Hey Mainstream Media! I Am:", where people finish that sentence and voice their opinion on the media through pictures. This is another project masterminded by Jamie Keiles of The Seventeen Magazine Project, and the pool is well worth checking out. Here are a few of my personal favourite images from the group.

If you're reading this, then you should submit an image to the pool, and keep this project going. What would you say to mainstream media if you had the chance? Say it with signs, and let me know!

Until next time, xo.

Make Friends With Your Body!

Hello there lovelies,

Once again, say thank-you to this shonky internet connection for it letting me grace you with my presence. I've spoken previously about my love for magazines meant for teenagers, and felt the need to once again commend Girlfriend magazine on its' body positivity/self-esteem focus. I read Girlfriend cover to cover this month, and didn't once roll my eyes (are you listening Cosmo?) I was particularly impressed with this great little body image contract, included as part of their "I am beautiful" campaign.

Click on the pic to enlarge! I think I might just sign this, and stick it on my mirror. I'm such a huge supporter of Girlfriend's efforts to raise the self-esteem and body image of young women. Here's a little snippet of what they've been doing in the magazine to help:

"For four years we've been pointing out when an image in Girlfriend has been digitally altered (retouched) or professionally styled via our reality checks (small notes written on the images) and posting behind-the-scenes photos of our shoots, but what you don't know is that we also have a strict body image policy covering everything from our selection of models and images to retouching guidelines...We are committed to using more real girls as models, promoting postive role models (and banning celebrities with bad body image), banning diet talk and photoshopping of body shape, size, hair colour or permanent marks (moles, freckles, scars, lines, tattoos). "

Yup, that all sounds pretty damn rad to me. This issue was made even better for me by the addition of a free gift that really compliments their positivity focus. Check out this necklace:

Yes, it is an envelope. And yes, the "I am strong" piece does fit inside it. It's a secret message to remind you all day how amazing you are. There was also another one that said "I am beautiful" instead, but I like "I am strong" better. When I'm a Mum (assuming I have daughters), I am going to make sure that they read this magazine. But I still think that no matter how old you are that these kinds of magazines can benefit you - we can all use a self-esteem & body positivity boost from time to time.

Until next time, xo.

P.S. No, Girlfriend magazine is not paying me to write good stuff about them. I'm just a crazy lady who loves teen mags. You know you love me.

My Body Is Not A Fashion Trend

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Hello there lovelies,

I have a bone to pick today, and it's a big one. I'm sick of hearing in fashion magazines, and throughout the media that a particular body shape is 'in'. In particular, this is aimed at the articles proclaiming that natural breasts are back in fashion, after the casting call for Pirates of the Caribbean 4, where it was explicitly stated that only actresses with natural breasts need apply. It's not that I have a problem with these parameters being specified in a casting call. I have a problem with the following announcements that "natural breasts are back." I find it disturbing that body types, or even body parts can go in and out of fashion like handbags. I didn't choose these natural breasts, I was born with them, and getting breast implants is a huge, life-changing decision. My body is not a fashion trend, and I will not have what I do with it dictated to me by a fashion magazine. We may be getting closer to a society where we can pick how we want to look from a catalogue (provided we don't mind a bit of pain and scarring). But doesn't mean that we should have bodies sold to us by the media.

It galls me whenever I see articles stating that "curves are back", or that "this season a tall, slim look is in style". What does this say to people who don't naturally have those qualities? "Curves are back" implies that skinny is out - so all you skinny girls better move aside, because you're not in fashion anymore. All this does is perpetuate body image issues for the benefit of marketing. Breast implants are in? You better run out and have yourself some surgery honey. They're back out? Well, there are always expensive removal procedures. Curves are in? If you don't have your own, we can sell you things to create them. Tall and slim "the look" for this season? Better shell out for those Spanx sweetie! It's bullshit, and I won't stand for it.

We are all real women, with real bodies. We are tall, short, fat, skinny, lanky, stocky, curvy, flat. We have small boobs, and big hips, and thin lips, and button noses. We have skinny calves, and long torsos, and short legs, and no waists. We have breast implants, and nose jobs, and big butts, and tiny feet. Our bodies are all different, but they are all ours, and they are all beautiful. Screw the marketing. Your body, and mine don't need to follow trends. You don't need to buy what the fashion magazines are selling -your body is fine exactly the way that it is. Anything that you want to do with your body is your choice and yours alone. My body is not a fashion trend, and neither is yours.

Until next time, xo.

Numbers

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Hello there lovelies,

Have you ever realised how much we all obsess about numbers? Weight, height, waist circumference, Body Mass Index, 30 minutes of exercise, 10,000 steps a day, Grade Point Average, clothing sizes, shoe size, kilojoule/calorie intake, bra size, bank balance, weekly income, debt repayments, and the list goes on.

I weight 71 kilograms - my highest weight was 89 kilos, and my lowest 61 kilos. I have a 74cm waist circumference. I'm between 167 and 169cms tall, depending on who does the measuring, and how straight I stand up. I have a BMI of around 24.9. My cumulative GPA from three years of a psychology degree was 6.0 - highest GPA being a 6.25, and the lowest GPA 5.85. I wear a size 10-12 shirt, and size 12-14 pants. My bank balance is pretty much $0, my weekly income is reasonable, and I'm in more debt than I should be. But strangely, none of these numbers bother me much anymore.

When it comes down to it, they are just numbers. They don't say anything about how happy I am, how successful I am, or how much my friends, family and The Boyfriend love me. These numbers don't tell me anything about how smart I am, how creative I am, or how beautiful I am. And your numbers are no different. They're just numbers - just a way of quantifying something so that it can be compared to other similar things. No matter how big or small your numbers are, they don't make you any more or less as a person. They're just numbers. So remind me again why we care?

Until next time, xo.

What Has Your Body Done Today?

Photo by jaytildeath

Hello there my lovelies,

Take a moment today, and think about everything your body has done for you in the last 24 hours. Mine has done lunges, bicep curls, jumping jacks, upward dog and downward dog. It has stretched, lifted, strained and gotten stronger. It stood for 8 hours on a concrete floor at work and carried countless loads of clothes around my store - without complaining as well, I might add. My body has turned food into energy, repaired itself in my sleep and hugged the man I love. My eyes work well enough that I'm rereading Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone for approximately the 50th time. My fingers have let me type this blog post. When I stop to think about it, my body has done countless amazing things for me today, and I bet yours has too.

What has you body done for you today? And more importantly, what have you done for your body?

Until next time, xo.

What I Wore Today!

Hello there lovelies!

Welcome to another day in the life of my vanity! I didn't really do much today - just went over to the University of Queensland to pick up some money I made selling textbooks. But dammit, I needed an excuse to show off the super-hot Pulp shoes I picked up last Thursday night whilst shopping with my good friend C. Look at them, look at them dammit! Yay gladiator sandals. Yup, I don't care what you have to say, they are one horrible trend that I adore (another blog topic coming on perhaps?). Also, they were $19.95, down from $79.95, and there was only one pair left, in my size. It was meant to be, I tell you. On to the outfit!

Outfit Rundown:

T-shirt: Trade Secret (Envious), $5
Belt: Hit 'N' Run (Emily the Strange), $10
Shorts: Trade Secret (Pure Hype), $14.95
Shoes: Pulp, $19.95 (!!!!!!!!!!)
Bracelets: Made by The Boyfriend
Watch: Cleo Magazine, Free.

Holy crap, is that one whole outfit that I procured for $50? You're damn right it is! Bargain shopping is my crack. Although, I'm going to be laying off the shopping for awhile. Damn you tempting Manchester sale table at work! My new obsession is possibly redecorating our house. Any tips out there?

Until next time, xo.

P.S.: This week, from 21-27 February is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. Check out these blog posts on the subject: Denim Debutante shares her experiences here, and there is a wonderful post on Olive Life about taking action in your everyday life. I'll let them speak for me this time. Xo.

Radical Self Love - Because You're Worth It

Hello there lovelies,

You guys all probably know that amazing Gala Darling declared February the month of radical self love, which I though was quite rad. Learning to love yourself is something that is truly worth all the effort and trouble. You won't always do it quite right, just like loving anyone else in the world. Sometimes you'll stumble, and catch yourself being less than loving to yourself. Just like you have to work to cultivate any relationship, you have to work to cultivate radical self love. You have to believe that you are worth all the effort.

I've noticed that people in my life, and especially women, fall short of acheiving their goals because they don't really believe they are worth the end result. It's a waste of your precious time lovelies! How are you ever going to sell yourself to a potential employee if you don't think you are worth buying? How are you going to get that promotion if you don't think you are worth promoting? How are all those fabulous ideas in your head going to come to pass if you tell yourself they aren't worth trying? And of course, how are you going to love yourself if you don't think you're worth the love?

I'll tell you a really big secret - you are worth the love. Every single one of you is worthy of love, both from yourself, and other people. I know that's the bit that is hardest to figure out. I don't know why, but it seems to be far more accepted to put yourself down than to build yourself up. I think it is because when you stand up and tell the world how amazing you are, other people start to feel like maybe they aren't as amazing as you. Now that isn't true - everyone has something special about them, and I don't think we need to be jealous of another person's talents. But the more you believe you are worth it, the less it matters if other people are jealous, or nasty. You're worth the love, and their reactions say more about them than you. People who put you down because you are worth loving are people who haven't discovered that they are worth loving too!

So get out there and convince yourself that you are worth radical self love. Hold your head up high; speak up for yourself; wear those incredible "special occasion" clothes on any old normal day; go somewhere you have always wanted to go; get into your best lingerie and shimmy in front of the mirror to a cheesy song about how sexy you are; write lists of all the things about you that are amazing; read books that you love, even if you've read them a million times before; change your hair colour (or just your manicure); write love letters to yourself, and hide them inside your favourite household objects so that you find them again later; wear clothes that suit your shape regardless of the number on the tag; tear pages that make you happy out of magazines and make a scrapbook or inspiration board; put your name in for a new job that suits you better, and tell the potential employer exactly why you deserve it, and cut the crap! Cut out the negative self-talk, cut out putting yourself down to make other people feel better, and cut out that niggling feeling that you are not as good as someone else. You are amazing, and you're totally worth it. Remember that!

Until next time, xo.

Can You Buy Self-Esteem?

Hey guys,

Ok, now don't let the picture scare you away. I know that every woman and her hand bag-sized dog has had something to say about Heidi Montag/her alleged addiction to plastic surgery. I'll admit that, although I find it terrifying that cosmetic surgery can change a persons' appearance this much, I don't necessarily disagree with her doing it. It's not the surgery itself that worries me - it is the reason for it. I think it's fairly obvious that someone volunteering for this many elective surgical procedures must be very unhappy with their body. Buy a new one, sure whatever you want. But can you buy the self-esteem to go with it? Honestly, I don't think it really works that way.

To give a little backstory, I've had 12 operations in my life. Except for those to do with ear problems, my procedures were classified as "reconstructive", but they are the same procedures used for elective cosmetic surgery. I've had numerous "nose jobs", lip revisions, and had my entire top jaw moved forward almost a centimetre. I've come out of the operating theatre with two black eyes many times, and after the jaw operation my face swelled so much that the skin on my lips cracked off. After all this trouble, did I look different? I certainly did. But, I can't say that I felt any different. I still came out of every operation with the firm belief that I was fat, ugly, and unlovable. Most of the time I couldn't even perceive the differences in my appearance, and I always thought that the next procedure would surely give me the perfect result I was after. Then, when my face was perfect, I would be happy.

Do you want to know a secret? That never happens.

Issues don't disappear just because bumps on your nose do, or because the size of your thighs decreases. If you don't have a healthy relationship with your body to begin with, no amount of changes will forge one without changes in your attitude. And this, this my dears, is why I worry about the Heidi Montags' of the world. Most of the time they are putting their body through incredible stress, not to mention extreme pain, for that perfect result that they are never going to see. While I don't disagree with cosmetic surgery just because it is what it is, I do think that people who have issues with their body/appearance/self-esteem see it as an easy way to (supposedly) fix all their problems. But that is bullshit. At the end of the procedure, nothing has changed. You are still exactly the same person inside that you were before the procedure. If you believed you were ugly before, you will probably still feel the same way afterwards - you'll just find something different to fix your negative attention on. In the words of a very wise (if slightly fictional) Doctor:

"The operation will only change your face. It won't change who your face made you."
Dr. House, to patient with a cranio-facial deformity

My advice to anyone considering cosmetic surgery is simple: face your demons first. The mind is a powerful thing, and it can go on believing all the negative things you've been telling it long after your eyes start seeing something different in the mirror. If you are comfortable with yourself, and still want to try surgery to "improve", then so be it. Personally, I wouldn't do it again. For me there was too much pain for very little relative benefit. But still, if you're going to do it, make sure you're not going to end up chasing the gold at the end of the rainbow, so to speak. That is no way to live your life.

Anyway, what do you think? Can you buy self-esteem when you buy a new body?

Until next time, xo.

Campaign for Real Beauty

Hello there!

Here's a cute little video for all of you out there today who aren't feeling so great about yourself - to you, from someone who thinks you're all beautiful.

Video from tpiper

The Dove Campaign for Real Beauty began in 2004 and has been working ever since to open eyes, and widen peoples perceptions of beauty. You probably saw their campaigns featuring real women of all ages, shapes and sizes as models. I know I did, because I was pretty much in love with that advertising campaign. I fully support their efforts to expand on the traditional notion of beauty, and in particular the belief that beauty must be young. I believe that women are beautiful at any age - and this video from Dove's Pro-Age campaign certainly backs me up.

Video by wllmsjennifer

Their website also contains lots of cool resources for young girls, including information about self esteem, image manipulation, and being media-smart. There are also resource for mothers of young girls, including a workbook of fun activities that you can do with your daughter to improve her self-esteem. Even better, the Dove Self-Esteem Fund is supporting self-esteem programs in Canada, Amerca, the UK, Mexico, Australia, Korea, Austria, Hungary, and many other countries. Their aim is to reach five million young women by end of 2010. The counter on their website has them at just over three million so far, so I thought I'd help spread the word. Every little bit helps right?

Until next time, xo.

Love Your Body: Belly Dancing!

Hello there my beautiful readers,

Since I've been having so much fun with my belly-dancing lately, I'd thought I'd do a little write-up about what it is, and why I think it's so damn great. So, here we go.

"Belly dance" is a western term for a traditional arab dance known as raqs sharqi, or "oriental dance". It is native to the Middle-East, but is now popular world-wide. In popular culture, the rise of belly dancing is probably attributable to the Latin American singer Shakira, although a range of pop stars have used belly dancing moves in their film clips. I know I was one of many teenage girls who vowed to learn to belly dance after seeing the film clip for the hit song Whenever, Wherever . I was totally intrigued! Check out this little video of Shakira strutting her stuff to see what had me so hooked:

Most of the movements in belly dancing involve isolating different parts of the body (hips, shoulders, stomach etc), and one of the most famous moves is the shimmy (which, I was suprised to learn is created by moving the knees past each other at high speed). It all looks pretty complicated, right? One of the reasons it's taken me this long to try belly dancing was because I thought it must be really hard to do. While it is in some ways - for example, co-ordinating the movement of only one part of your body at a time - the basic movements are actually pretty easy to learn. In fact, if you've got a few minutes you can learn some basic moves right now:

Belly dancing is a non-impact, weight-bearing exercise, which puts minimal stress on the knees and feet. It is suitable for all ages and all body types, so no excuses! You're not too old, and you're definitely not too fat - some of the sexiest belly dancers have plenty of meat on their bones! Plus, the level of intensity in the movements can be adjusted to suit the individual. Belly dancing can burn as many calories as light jogging, swimming or riding a bike, depending on the level of intensity you use.

Other advantages of belly dancing include:

• Reducing the risk of osteoporosis
• Strengthening the heart
• Increasing circulation
• Strengthening trapezius and abdominal muscles
• Ability to move muscle groups independently
• Increased flexibility in torso and back
• Hip movements strengthen the legs and long muscles of the back

Awesome right? Plus, women who belly dance tend to become more positive towards their sexuality and their bodies. I know that belly dancing makes me feel unbelievably sexy. It is also believed that the belly dance was traditionally taught by the wise women of the group to prepare women for preganancy and childbirth - the movements strengthen the abdominal and pelvic region, apparently making childbirth less painful. Not that I'm planning to give birth anytime soon, but I can still appreciate all the positives!

Well, there you have it - belly dancing is a fun, fabulous exercise that makes you feel sexy and confient, while giving you great abs. So, what are you waiting for?

Until next time, xo.