Hello there lovelies,
I really had fun with my challenge to wear a minimal amount of black for a week. The recording of the challenge got a little messy thanks to my unexpected Clermont trip, but it really impacted my thinking. Since I started the challenge I've been immediately drawn to bright colours everywhere I go. I've been painting my nails in the brightest colours I can find, and planning colourful outfits in my head. I feel like a switch has flicked in my head. A rainbow-coloured switch.
For a long time now, I've been afraid of wearing colour. We've had a complicated relationship. Bright colours demand attention. When you wear them, people will stare at you (and, quite possibly audibly giggle about your yellow tights in the line behind you at the bank). Avoiding the attention of other people has been my mantra for a long time. I look different to most, and I've been painfully aware of that for a long time. All I wanted was for people, particularly my peers, to ignore me and leave me alone. In early high school I imitated the "cool" kids to try and avoid negative attention. In my late high school years I flirted with Goth and Punk styles to try & convince people that I didn't care about their negative attention. At University, when I went through my worst period of depression head-to-toe black helped me feel like I was blending into the background. Especially when my anxiety convinced me that every single person on campus was laughing at me. I didn't feel like I was good enough to demand attention from anyone.
Now, I realize that no matter what I do I'm always going to have haters. You're always going to have them too. There is always going to be someone who thinks that your outfit is ridiculous, that you're ugly, that you couldn't tell a funny joke if you tried, or that you have the charisma of a toilet brush. There is always going to be someone who thinks that you are undeserving of their time and attention. The thing is though, that just because they believe those things, it doesn't mean that you have to believe them as well. I figure that you have two choices in this situation - either you agree with the haters, & continue feeling unworthy, or you disagree & stop. I've made my choice. I will wear my bright colours, and probably shock some sensibilities by drawing their attention to my difference. But I will be doing what I love, and continuing on the journey of loving & getting to know myself.
And, if people want to giggle about my yellow tights along the way, well, that's all on them.
Until next time, xo.
