The Joke's On You

The first time I watched through Season 4 of Gossip Girl, something made me really angry. It wasn't the the numerous plot holes (I'm cool with those), or the fact that one of the characters can apparently send text messages from prison (his prison obviously just has really good cellphone options), or the fact that everyone on the show falls in and out of love quicker than a normal person can pee. It was this one line, that came out of Blair's mouth in passing that was the culprit: "Needy dogs are the perfect cause. And they're so much cuter than the babies with cleft palates that you were going to give the money to."

That made me furious. I actually saw red. I felt like throwing things at the television, writing sternly worded letters to some writers, and perhaps even tracking Leighton Meester down & slapping her for having the audacity to agree to saying the line. It took me a long time to sit & think about whether my reaction was justified. It certainly hurt me to hear that babies with clefts are somehow less attractive than puppies, but I'm fairly certain that no one wrote that line to hurt me personally. I'm fairly sure that it wasn't necessarily meant to be hurtful at all, but was merely meant to be a joke - even if in bad taste - coming from the mouth of a particularly bitchy person.

That got me thinking even more - is it ok to joke about disfigurement? The hours that I've spent crying about why my face looks different to other people's & the years that it has taken me to accept my face suggests that this isn't a topic for humour. But, we seem to joke about everything else on television. Whole shows hinge on jokes about people being fat, or stupid, or nerdy, or unfashionable, or ugly or somehow different to everyone else. Where do we draw the line? When is it ok to joke about the traits of a person, or their appearance, and when does it become offensive?

I was certainly offended that someone would joke about a condition that has profoundly affected my life, but I don't know that most people would have even noticed the comment, let alone remembered it. Is is an offensive comment just because I was offended? Is it just a stupid joke that shouldn't get me so butt-hurt if someone else found it funny? I don't think I should have to accept these kinds of comments. I think they further the idea that people born with a cleft lip and/or palate are disgusting, ugly and somehow less than other people.

I suppose in the end, all I can say is this: I was born with a cleft lip & palate. There's nothing I can do about. I couldn't change it even if I wanted to, and it really offends me when people make jokes about it. People will say these things, and worse, and sometimes even try to take pictures of my scars on public transport because they think it's somehow funny, and other than getting really pissed off, there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it. Living with this can be hard, and ill-placed jokes like these just make it harder.