Post, In Which There Is Rambling.

Photo by me.

Hello there lovelies,

Things aren't always going to be easy. Life isn't always just going to go your way, and sometimes you will feel like you're pushing shit up hill. You will be overwhelmed. You will feel like you're all alone in a crowded room. You will feel like today is the worst possible day that you will ever have. You will feel frustrated, and empty, and cry until your eyes stop making tears. You will scream, you will swear, and you will punch the walls. You will want to tear your hair our, and yes, at times, you will probably wish you were dead.

At times, you will also be overcome with joy, and amazed with everything around you. You will smile, and laugh until you feel like you couldn't ever be happier than you are at this moment. You will dance, and cheer, and hug your friends like it's the last time you'll get the chance. You will love, and be loved with a fierceness & tenderness that you could never imagine. You will find happiness in the simplest things. There will be days where everything goes exactly the way you plan, and you feel like you could walk on water. You will feel strong, and fulfilled.

But, as I am discovering at the moment you don't really get to choose when these days come. I apologise if I have been a little quiet on the blog front this week. I recently found out that a good friend of mine is pregnant. While this is amazing news, it knocked me for a six in a way that I never counted on. Not many people know that, had things gone otherwise, The Boyfriend and I would be parents right now. When we had just met, we were young and silly (not to mention careless), and I fell pregant only a few months after we started dating. We were ecstatic, and and terrified, as most people are in that situation. But, not even two weeks after we found out, I miscarried. For a long time, I couldn't bear to sit next to a stranger's baby on a bus, let alone talk about children, or baby-sit. But after a while, the pain lessened and I could stand to be around children again. Pregnant women even. But hearing that this close friend of mine is pregnant - well, it feels like I just had the stitches ripped out of an old, puss-filled, searing wound.

Nonetheless, I know that this intense pain is a passing thing. Soon, I will be just as intensely happy as I have even been, and I'll probably be throwing around crafty ideas about things to make for the baby. Anyway, my point - you can't choose when life will open up these old wounds, or "thow you a curveball", if you like that metaphor. What you get on any particular day is always going to be a bit of a lucky dip. But, no matter how horrible things get, they can get better. To delve back into the metaphor, how you choose to ride the curves is all up to you. I choose to see that the bad times can, and will end. And as such, I accept that the good times will always end too. But that doesn't mean it's not worth trying to make them good.

Until next time, xo.