Can You Buy Self-Esteem?

Hey guys,

Ok, now don't let the picture scare you away. I know that every woman and her hand bag-sized dog has had something to say about Heidi Montag/her alleged addiction to plastic surgery. I'll admit that, although I find it terrifying that cosmetic surgery can change a persons' appearance this much, I don't necessarily disagree with her doing it. It's not the surgery itself that worries me - it is the reason for it. I think it's fairly obvious that someone volunteering for this many elective surgical procedures must be very unhappy with their body. Buy a new one, sure whatever you want. But can you buy the self-esteem to go with it? Honestly, I don't think it really works that way.

To give a little backstory, I've had 12 operations in my life. Except for those to do with ear problems, my procedures were classified as "reconstructive", but they are the same procedures used for elective cosmetic surgery. I've had numerous "nose jobs", lip revisions, and had my entire top jaw moved forward almost a centimetre. I've come out of the operating theatre with two black eyes many times, and after the jaw operation my face swelled so much that the skin on my lips cracked off. After all this trouble, did I look different? I certainly did. But, I can't say that I felt any different. I still came out of every operation with the firm belief that I was fat, ugly, and unlovable. Most of the time I couldn't even perceive the differences in my appearance, and I always thought that the next procedure would surely give me the perfect result I was after. Then, when my face was perfect, I would be happy.

Do you want to know a secret? That never happens.

Issues don't disappear just because bumps on your nose do, or because the size of your thighs decreases. If you don't have a healthy relationship with your body to begin with, no amount of changes will forge one without changes in your attitude. And this, this my dears, is why I worry about the Heidi Montags' of the world. Most of the time they are putting their body through incredible stress, not to mention extreme pain, for that perfect result that they are never going to see. While I don't disagree with cosmetic surgery just because it is what it is, I do think that people who have issues with their body/appearance/self-esteem see it as an easy way to (supposedly) fix all their problems. But that is bullshit. At the end of the procedure, nothing has changed. You are still exactly the same person inside that you were before the procedure. If you believed you were ugly before, you will probably still feel the same way afterwards - you'll just find something different to fix your negative attention on. In the words of a very wise (if slightly fictional) Doctor:

"The operation will only change your face. It won't change who your face made you."
Dr. House, to patient with a cranio-facial deformity

My advice to anyone considering cosmetic surgery is simple: face your demons first. The mind is a powerful thing, and it can go on believing all the negative things you've been telling it long after your eyes start seeing something different in the mirror. If you are comfortable with yourself, and still want to try surgery to "improve", then so be it. Personally, I wouldn't do it again. For me there was too much pain for very little relative benefit. But still, if you're going to do it, make sure you're not going to end up chasing the gold at the end of the rainbow, so to speak. That is no way to live your life.

Anyway, what do you think? Can you buy self-esteem when you buy a new body?

Until next time, xo.