What's Bugging You?

photo by alibubba

Hello lovelies,

So, what's bugging you? No really, what's bugging you? Do you even actually know?

I thought I did, until recently. There was always something bugging me - but it was always something trivial. I didn't get that job because of my weight. People don't like me because of my weight. My whole future happiness is going down the toilet because of my weight. If only I could lose that weight, everything would be beautiful. And then, when I lost the weight, I couldn't make friends because of my nose. And it bugged me - you know, everything going so wrong because of one little thing. But it wasn't really just one little thing - it just took me six months of depression, two panic attacks and a few visits to a psychologist to figure it out. The real thing bugging me wasn't little at all, it was actually pretty big. You see, all these little problems were stemming from the one big one - I didn't think that I was worth anything. I didn't think I deserved to be happy, and I couldn't reconcile conflicting parts of my personality - for example, being obsessed with fashion and yet finding it obnoxiously difficult to make friends with other females. All that my dears, is what was bugging me, only I didn't know it.

Now I listen to what my body and my mind are really telling me, and I work with that. When I'm acknowledging the big things, suddenly the little things don't seem to matter so much. So, here's my advice - don't pretend that things aren't bugging you when they really are. You can save yourself a whole lot of grief if you acknowledge these things and then deal with them in a healthy fashion. It's completely ok to be upset and confused about big issues in your life, but covering them up won't do you any good. Do whatever you have to - yell your problems out to the world, write them down in your diary (or blog, if you will), go running, make fabulous twisted art. Just don't shove your issues down and try to forget about them. They certainly won't go away. Own what's bugging you, don't let it keep bugging. Being honest with yourself is a whole new kind of freedom.

So, I'll ask you again lovelies, what's bugging you? Lie to me if you want, but not to yourself.

Until next time, xo.