The Art of the Female Friendship

Hello there lovelies,

Now before I start, this is most certainly not a how-to piece. If anything, I was hoping there was someone out there who might be able to enlighten me - how exactly do you perfect the art of female friendships? I realised recently that most of my female friends have known me since primary school. In fact, I'm only still friendly with a few girls from my high school days. And, since finishing high school (almost four years ago), I've only made very few female friends, and a seemingly huge pile of female enemies. I've been asking around, and it seems like I'm not the only one encountering this problem. Despite the movies and television shows proclaiming the opposite, it appears that lots of women in their 20's are having trouble befriending each other. I can't help but wonder what the cause of this phenomenon is. I'm guessing that the root of the problem is not that a large percentage of young women are all completely socially inept - so what is the problem? Why do we dislike other women so much quicker than we befriend them? Why do we spend so much time hating on other women, instead of enjoying Sex and the City-style brunches together?

I've probably spent far too much time bemoaning my lack of ability to make female friends to pretty much anyone who'll listen for five minutes, and a fair few of them have given me the same answer when I ask what the problem might be - "They're probably intimidated by you." Now this I really didn't understand until my Dad laid it all out for me.

" I don't get it, why would people be intimidated by me?" I said to him.

"Well," He replied, "You're smart, funny, beautiful and you've got a whole lot going for you. You might not see it that way, but they do."

And that really got me thinking. Is this the key thing that affects that way young women relate to one another? Do we all unknowingly intimidate each other this way? The more I think about it, the more the whole thing makes sense. As individuals, we are very good at seeing the amazing things that other people have, but not so hot at seeing all the wonderful things we have to offer others. I have to admit that other women do scare me a little bit - women who aren't me always seem so cool, confident and put-together, whereas I feel it's blindingly obvious that I'm the shy tomboy who forgot all about that coffee stain when I picked what I'm wearing. I suppose other women do intimidate me a little bit, I just never thought that I could have the same effect on them. But when it comes down to it, women spend so much time feeling like they're all part of a great big competition (to win jobs, beauty, men etc.) that it's no wonder we're all looking at each other like potential enemies rather than potential friends. It's occurred to me many times before that the people most critical of women are other women. I suppose it's little wonder that we're all a little scared of each other. I don't really know how to address this problem myself, but I'm going to try my hardest not to be scared of interacting with other women - no matter how much I'm convinced they're just going to laugh at me, and make fun of my hair. And I'm also going to try my hardest to not close myself off, and discourage other women from approaching me.

In the meantime, if anyone wants to be my friend, there are cupcakes in it for you. Lots of 'em!

Until next time, xo.