How do you feel about your body? Working in the retail end of fashion, and particularly when manning the fitting rooms I hear alot of talk from women about what is wrong with their bodies. "I could never wear that - I have such ginormous thunder thighs", and "I wish I had a body like yours" seem to feature heavily when shopping with friends. Once, in a past retail job I even had a young girl burst into tears in the changing rooms because the (Australian) Size 6 was too small for her - she felt like she'd failed at life because the tag on her jeans would have to say Size 8. Women spend lots of time talking about "the perfect body" - and of course, all the life opportunities that will come flooding in the door when you finally attain this bodily perfection. I hear my friends talk about all the things they will be able to wear when they lose ten kilos, and watch people around me suffer on terrible diets that allow them to have a cube of cheese every three days as a reward for their food work. I think that every woman I know spends a large portion of their time worrying about how much they weigh, what they look like and the size of their boobs, nose, teeth, toes, etc. It's perfectly routine to hear about your co-workers botox/liposuction/nose job/radical weight loss plan.
I have to wonder, why all the hate?
I don't deny that I've been there. It's taken a long time to change my disordered eating habits, and to quash the negative self-talk. I still catch it every now and then - before I can stop it, some negative comment about the size of my thighs pops into my head. When I was in my early teens, I used to hang a Britney Spears poster over my bed. I'd tell myself I wasn't allowed any more chocolate until I had abs like those, and I'd do hundreds of crunches every night before I went to sleep. I used to tell myself how much better things would be when I had a body like that. Boys would like me, I'd have confidence, I'd be able to wear sexy clothes and the world would lay at my feet. Then I'd file away every negative comment someone made about me, and repeat in my head until I believed it - I'd cry myself to sleep, then binge-eat to make myself feel better. Looking back now, I can't believe it took me so long to realise that the perfect body for me is the one I already have. Maybe I'm not that Size 6 supermodel that I always wanted to be back then, but I'm happy, healthy and (at least some) people think I'm damn sexy.
People come in all shapes, sizes and appearances - and for some of us, no matter what we do we are never going to be that thin. Just like some of us will never be a DD cup, look like Scarlett Johansson or have muscles like Madonna. The most important thing for us to do is learn to be happy in the skin we're in. Don't try and force your body into a shape that it can't possibly fit - you're only going to end up unhappy and unhealthy. Most of all, any results you see in your body from using radical measures, such as crash dieting, probably won't last. I mean, you're not only going to eat celery sticks for the rest of your life right? You've got to consider your emotional health as well - cosmetic surgery, for example, will only change your appearance. It won't change any issues or hang-ups you already have. If you don't feel you are being as healthy as you would like to be, you can change that - there are plenty of ways to live a healthier life. A healthier diet makes me feel happier, and have more energy. I've also recently started doing yoga, pilates and dance classes, because I really enjoy them and they help de-stress me. The big change is, I'm not trying to lose weight anymore - I'm just trying to feel better within myself. And I get so much more enjoyment out of these activities, and life in general this way.
Unfortunately, no matter what you do people are always going to hate on you - just like they hated on the sexy Beth Ditto for posing naked on the cover of NME magazine. So I say do away with societies rules - why should you cover up, hide away or be any less fabulous than you truly are just because someone else doesn't think you're quite right? Try doing the things you want to do for a change, and don't make excuses to anyone for being exactly the way you are. Here's a brilliant quote that I love about what people should wear:
"No one “should” wear anything, except for something that makes them happy. Just
because you think you’re too young, old, skinny or big, that doesn’t have
anything to do with what you wear. Curvy girls don’t have to dress to
de-emphasise their shape, just like girls with little boobs don’t have to dust
bronzer on their chest in an elaborate pattern so they can create the illusion
of big breastisses. The whole concept is ridiculous. What is beautiful to me is
not necessarily beautiful to you, & vice versa. Different things appeal to
different people, & that’s wonderful! Who wants a homogenised society?"
Sourced from iCing: What Should I Wear
The only person you need to impress is you baby! So instead of living by someone else's rules about fashion, style, and life, make up your own. Sometimes I long to grab the girls in my fitting rooms, complaining about their bodies, shake them by the shoulders and yell "but you're beautiful exactly the way that you are!". But I know that me saying this wouldn't make a lick of difference to how they feel about themselves, because they believe they are fat, hideous, and unlovable. However, if you are looking to make a positive change in your attitude towards your body, I can offer a few tips that worked for me. They may not work for you, but if I can help one other person, that's better than nothing.
- Cut the negative self-talk - There's plenty of other people in the world looking to put others down, so why do it to yourself? Whenever you catch yourself looking in the mirror and saying something negative about your body, stop the thought. Then think about something that you like about your body. I sometimes stick messages up on my mirror to help me think positively, such as "You're looking hot today baby!" or "Let's see that beautiful smile!" Cheesy maybe, but it stops my negative thoughts right in their tracks.
For further info: Stop Negative Self-Talk: Five Ways to Build Confidence and Happiness
For something positive to stick on your mirror: A Reminder - Ditch people who make you feel like crap - You know who I'm talking about. The friend who talks relentlessly about weight loss and being fat, despite being the tiniest person known to man. The boyfriend who sees you eating a single cracker, and grabs at your stomach saying "Haven't you already eaten enough today?". If you don't want to get rid of these people completely, then talk to them first about the way they make you feel when they make comments about your appearance or weight. If they don't change their attitude or just don't care, then they're not worth it.
For more info: How To Ditch a Friend and How to Distance Yourself from a Negative Friend. - Do things that make you happy - If you hate running or cycling, why do it just because it burns lots of calories? Take up bellydancing, or jazz ballet, or capoeira if that's what takes your fancy. Fact is, everyone feels better if they have some kind of physical activity going on in their life, and it's good for you. But that doesn't mean you have to do stuff that you hate. If you're stuck for ideas, check out your local community centre, such as PCYC, because they usually have a range of classes on offer for affordable prices, meaning you could try a few before settling on one. This applies to other things as well, not just exercise. If you feel better when you have your nails done, or great hair, then put aside some time and/or money to maintain those things. It's all about you, so do the things you like, and the things that make you feel good about yourself.
- Be more assertive and confident - no one can make you feel like crap unless you let them right? Being assertive isn't about being aggressive or selfish, it is simply being able to say what we want or need, and protect ourselves from things we don't want, without hurting others. Assertive people communicate openly, honestly and directly - they don't let people jerk them around. But they're also not malicious or mean to people. Being assertive means not letting people get away with not respecting you, and your needs, and helps you to be more confident. The good news is, if you aren't naturally a confident or assertive person you can learn these skills. These things take time, and practice - they aren't skills that evolve overnight. Personally, I think the best way to cultivate confidence is to fake it - walk with your head held high, shoulders back and with a confident stride. It will make you feel more confident, which in turn will make you act more assertively.
For more info: 10 Ways To Instantly Build Self-Confidence
A good, to the point article about assertiveness: How To Be More Assertive.
Advice from a confident, assertive person: How To Be Confident & How To Be More Assertive.
And don't forget lovelies: the perfect body for you is the one that you have. Guaranteed there are a whole lot of people out there who will love your body exactly as it is - so why not be one of them? To finish off, just for fun, you should watch this video. The woman in it is awesome, and everything she says is completely true.
A Fat Rant - Joy Nash (See the sequels here and here)
As a sidenote, here are a few links you may want to check out if you feel you, or anyone around you has an extremely unhealthy relationship with food and/or their body image:
Healthy Eating Tips - for tips on what kind of eating is healthy.
Health Insite: Eating Disorders - information about Anorexia Nervosa and Bulima Nervosa.
The Butterfly Foundation - dedicated to the prevention and treatment of eating disorders.
Reach Out: BDD - information about Body Dysmorphic Disorder, and if you look around on the site they have good information about Eating Disorders, Depression and Anxiety.
Beyond Blue - The Australian National Depression Initiative.
Until next time, xo.
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