Hello there lovelies,
You know, one thing I don't think many people realise is that maintaining a positive outlook takes a shitload of work. Optimism has been a rather steep learning curve for me. I suffered from depression for most of my adolescent life, and recently I've been through a rather heavy rough patch that forced me to confront some painful personal demons. I know there is a great deal of debate about the merits of blogging about your negative experiences going on at the moment. It's all good in theory - but no one really wants to hear the gritty details of your struggle with mental illness, or your failing relationship. Or at least I don't really want to hear about it, and I can't say I expect anyone to really want to know how many days I spent in bed sobbing, unable to drag myself out from under the covers. I think the real attraction is hearing how people have picked themselves back up from these experiences, as it makes us feel that the world may not be such a hopeless place after all. Now I'm no shining example of positivity. But I'm trying, because I feel being positive is a much healthier way to live. So rather than dragging my readers down by detailing how much things have sucked in recent months, I'd rather tell you all about how I'm picking myself back up. Basically, I like glitter, I eat cupcakes, I wear tutus - and shit has happened to me. I just don't think you really need to hear about it. I'd rather you left my blog smiling. So, without further ado, here are my personal positivity goals (or, things I'm doing to keep a smile on my face, expand my horizons and generally make the most of my life):
- Read more often, as it relaxes me.
Next on the reading list:
The Subtle Knife - Phillip Pullman
The Amber Spyglass - Phillip Pullman
American Psycho - Bret Easton Ellis
Ninteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk
The Clan of the Cave Bear - Jean M. Auel - Try new types of exercise to find some that makes me feel good, instead of dragging myself though the "I don't want to gain weight" ritual .
This quest has led me to yoga, pilates and hip-hop dancing - all of which I was afraid to try, and now completely adore. Next I want to try Tai Chi, some of the Les Mills fitness classes, and perhaps capoeira? - Develop my sewing skills, with the intention of opening a business.
I'm really going to give this business thing a shot. I've always wanted some kind of creative occupation. I've been sizing up sewing classes, fashion courses, business courses and prices for overlockers all over the joint. - Don't take my friends for granted.
I tend to isolate myself when I get upset, and then beat myself up about having no friends. However, when you never respond to messages, phone calls, or invitiations it makes sense that they stop arriving, no? - Change my thought patterns & control my emotions better.
I'm working really hard on this one, as I can be very critical of myself. I'm also a very "all over the place" person. I can go from being happy to sad and back again in the space of ten minutes. Really, I just want to be a bit more balanced, and a bit less tempermental. - Resume my healthy eating patterns.
I just want to pay a little more attention to what I'm putting into my body, as it has such an influence on my energy levels, and how I feel. - When I see something and think "that'd be cool to try", try it.
I'm one of those people who will find things that I think would be really cool to try, but I feel silly about trying them, or I don't know anyone else doing them, so I don't do them. Basically, I want to start saying yes to doing more of these things - I did it with Yoga, and now I really love it, so I'm hoping I might find some more hobbies in the process. - Accept more invitations & bother less with negative people.
I want to start getting my social life back on track, so I figure I have to start accepting more invitations and stop making excuses. I've been doing it lately, and gotten to know a new friend in the process. Also, along the same line, I want to waste less of my energy trying to be friends with people who really can't be bothered giving me the same effort. - Pay more attention to personal grooming.
Just to clarify, I haven't stopped showering or anything like that.
Start this with:
Taking better care of my skin
Taking better care of my hair
Brushing my hair more often
Doing my nails
Dying my hair more regularly
Etc. etc. etc.
Just little things that make me feel more confident out in public. - Learn to forgive & accept myself.
The hardest thing of all in some ways. I want to learn to let go of my past mistakes, and stop dwelling on them. I am not the same person now that I was then, and that is alright. I don't have to worry about that person reappearing, and I don't have to beat myself up about things I can't change. Just accepting that everyone makes mistakes is easy - but accepting that I make mistakes is really hard for me. And of course, just remembering that I am who I am, and I don't need to make excuses or feel bad about that.
Here's to a better and brighter future, ay? Apologies if my musings are a little heavy for this time of night, haha.
Until next time, xo.
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